Most cruelty evolves, as does selfishness and other negative qualities, from insecurity. Insecurity about their own being is the basic reason that people behave in ways that are selfish, rude, and mean. They tend to rely on buying friendships which they then preserve through their anger, hate, and jealousy. Consider that when someone takes something from you in selfish mode, you feel hurt. And, if you communicate that hurt, the response of the perpetrator is usually unjustified anger.
Also, when good and kindly people try to reason with such persons in these negative situations, they usually find themselves accused of the opposite of what they are doing. That is because people who are selfish, self-serving, and cruel can only think in that manner. They become incensed and misinterpret kind, loving, and unselfish people as weak.
The question is, what kind of person are you or are attempting to be and why?
As to what one can do in such situations, nothing is stronger than an individual who stands up to negative responses by holding their tongue. When they do so, they overpower the negativity because they are not taking the bait and falling into defensiveness against false accusations. And, if they listen closely, they will know what their accuser did or is doing – it will be whatever those accusations are. So, be aware that your best ally is silence and listen closely to what you are being accused of so you’ll know exactly what your accuser is doing.
Whatever they are doing, however, is not the issue/solution. If you are being abused, your recourse is to remove yourself from the situation in order to regroup. Recovery to your natural self depends on complete removal from said situation and recognition of how wonderful you really are, which usually means therapy.
Very often an individual who is physically abused can recover relatively quickly. But one who is verbally abused will have a long and difficult recovery. One reason for this is that the abused one does not distinguish between authentic emotion and emotion expressed for the purpose of manipulation and control. As long as the abuser is angry or “hurt”, he keeps the abused engaged in trying to appease, reassure, and/or calm him. So, it is important to disengage, remove oneself and attention from such negativity and focus instead on personal healing and moving on.