By Ada Marie
March 2, 2013
Are you playing the Blame Game? Has something happened in your life recently that you are blaming another person for? Or, are you on the receiving end of someone else’s blaming and mainly trying to defend yourself? Either way, you are playing the Blame Game. You see it all around – in the news, in fictitious stories on T.V. or in books, in our relationships. Why is it that even if you apologize or the person you blame apologizes it often doesn’t seem like enough?
First you need to understand what blame is. Essentially, blame equals no responsibility.
To overcome the negative effects of the Blame Game you must come to understand that the situation you are in is being brought to you for you to learn to begin to grow – not only in knowledge but also in self-respect. Taking responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, feelings and actions requires stopping to look at a situation and acknowledging your part in it. No one else does your thinking. So, if “you are what you think,” you and your attitude is all you have to blame, not someone else.
The key is to say to yourself: I’m at fault. I’ll stand graciously corrected because there is something I can learn from this.
When I was a little girl I fell out of the hayloft while talking to my dad who was standing on the ground. Then I argued with my dad about what had happened, saying my fall was his fault. His response was, “Why did you stand so close to the opening? You set yourself up?” He then told me, “You should pay attention to what you are doing.” And from that I learned not to stand so close to the edge. I also learned not to blame someone else for my own mistakes.
Another example of how blame is avoidance of responsibility comes from a class I was teaching. As the students were leaving one night I said to a particular young man, ““Drive carefully.” He proceeded to have an accident on the way home and called to ask me why I didn’t tell him he would have an accident. I replied, “I did caution you to drive carefully.” He hadn’t listened. He had an accident and then tried to avoid responsibility by placing the blame on me.
If what is happening in your life doesn’t make sense you can go over and over it in your mind until it does. Instead of wasting time and energy blaming someone, take time to review the whole situation, then figure out what you can do to resolve the problem.
I had hired a woman to write a book for me. After six months I came to the conclusion she had done nothing. After some thought, I called my sister who is a speed typist and told her I was coming for a one week visit and she would be helping me write a book. The result was my Kitchen Cupboard Remedies book.
If you feel you are under attack and you feel like you want to blame someone walk to a sink, wet your hands and sprinkle a little salt on them, then rub them together. Rub the salt water on your face and tongue. This will remove your anxiety and you will be in control and able to determine what action to take.
These strategies work for situations no matter how simple or complex.
Most people want to blame their parents, genetics, anything, when what they need to do is understand they are experiencing an opportunity to make some kind of change. Such understanding leads to a sense of well being and the sense of satisfaction people are seeking. It comes when they stop playing the Blame Game.
You will have ample opportunities to refrain from blaming and to refuse to be baited into arguments with people who just want to be “right.” Let them be right as you take responsibility for yourself and create your own path to success and peace.