Why Are People Selfish?

The root of all selfishness is insecurity. People become insecure about themselves through a process of refusing to see themselves in a positive light. They continually find fault with every aspect of their lives: their looks, their height, their education, their family and their friends.

Can you see how habitually putting yourself down can lead to selfishness? The woman, who thinks her breasts are too small, denounces herself on the basis of her physique and, in turn, denounces others using the same or similar criteria. The man who thinks he was born too short feels he has to be rude and obnoxious because he cannot stand tall. As you see this, you will understand why so many people feel they are inadequate as they accept, amplify, and spread negative messages. And, why they spend so much time trying to keep up with the Joneses.

The individual who grows in consciousness and knows he can do anything he wants to do regardless of how he is treated can become successful, heathy and happy. It starts with becoming aware that there is hardly a person born who hasn’t decided what size they were going to be, how they were going to look, and what lessons they were coming in to experience prior to birth. The lack of qualities they feel now began with their choices before they were born.

The process of undoing your insecurity is simple, though not necessarily easy. To start, quit judging yourself by comparing yourself to everybody else. Then know what you have come to do. If unsure of what that is, go into the silence and ask. Then, however challenging or humble your work may be, do it with pride. No blame, no shame.

Why Are People Mean and Cruel?

Most cruelty evolves, as does selfishness and other negative qualities, from insecurity.  Insecurity about their own being is the basic reason that people behave in ways that are selfish, rude, and mean.  They tend to rely on buying friendships which they then preserve through their anger, hate, and jealousy.  Consider that when someone takes something from you in selfish mode, you feel hurt.  And, if you communicate that hurt, the response of the perpetrator is usually unjustified anger.

Also, when good and kindly people try to reason with such persons in these negative situations, they usually find themselves accused of the opposite of what they are doing.  That is because people who are selfish, self-serving, and cruel can only think in that manner.  They become incensed and misinterpret kind, loving, and unselfish people as weak.

The question is, what kind of person are you or are attempting to be and why?

As to what one can do in such situations, nothing is stronger than an individual who stands up to negative responses by holding their tongue. When they do so, they overpower the negativity because they are not taking the bait and falling into defensiveness against false accusations.  And, if they listen closely, they will know what their accuser did or is doing – it will be whatever those accusations are.  So, be aware that your best ally is silence and listen closely to what you are being accused of so you’ll know exactly what your accuser is doing.

Whatever they are doing, however, is not the issue/solution.  If you are being abused, your recourse is to remove yourself from the situation in order to regroup. Recovery to your natural self depends on complete removal from said situation and recognition of how wonderful you really are, which usually means therapy.

Very often an individual who is physically abused can recover relatively quickly.  But one who is verbally abused will have a long and difficult recovery.  One reason for this is that the abused one does not distinguish between authentic emotion and emotion expressed for the purpose of manipulation and control.  As long as the abuser is angry or “hurt”, he keeps the abused engaged in trying to appease, reassure, and/or calm him.  So, it is important to disengage, remove oneself and attention from such negativity and focus instead on personal healing and moving on.


A client I hadn’t heard from for at least 20 years recently called and raised an interesting question. She had been following this series on strategies for change and wondered why I hadn’t written one on happiness. She wanted to know how to be happy in the face of negative circumstances. “How do you stay cheerful and happy all the time?” she asked.

Certainly, it is not because of having a trouble-free life. I have lived through many difficult and stressful situations including a stabbing attack that nearly killed me. My difficulties or challenges began when I was a child growing up with a mother who made it clear that she did not want me. Her strictness often turned into meanness but my grandmother gave me the strategy I needed to survive. She said, “Be happy about anything that has made someone else happy. And God will be happy with you.” So that is what I did.

As simplistic as that sounds, it works. When people get outside of themselves and look around they can find as much happiness as sadness in other people. Being happy for another person’s joy gives you a good slant on health, wealth, and friends.
This is how to do it. When you hear about something positive on the news or from a friend, listen to the broadcaster or your friend without interrupting. Just listen without thinking about or saying any response. This allows happiness to enter your feelings. You will find that you can feel grateful and happy about what happens to a stranger, friend or relative. And that what you send out of those positive emotions will return to you multiplied.

Here is an example of how happiness affects health. A man who was depressed asked me what to do about depression. I told him to think about how lucky he was to be otherwise healthy, to be grateful and happy about his own health and that of his friends. To say cheerful happy things, and to give no power to his illness at any time. With practice he returned after several years to a full and healthy life. He actually recovered from leukemia with his new attitude! Another client, a lady who had been in a wheelchair for 3 years and wanted to know if it was possible to walk again. Her doctor had said no but I said yes and proceeded to help her change her attitude and with determined effort, she did the exercises and foot treatments. Within 8 months she was able to walk, first with crutches, then with a cane, and finally without any aid. She walked the way she could before she got hurt. She walks to this day.

In addition to making happiness a habit, you can invite similar miracles into your life with this prayer: “Thank you, God. I know I am well and in perfect health.” Say it 10 times every morning and evening while tapping your temples. Keep doing it.

Strategies for Change: The Issue of Gossip

Remember the game of Gossip? Everyone would line up and the first person would whisper a sentence to the next person. That person would whisper it to the next person in line and so on until the message reached the end of the line. Then, the first and last people in line would state the message out loud. The difference between the statements was usually the source of much amusement. In real life, however, the results of gossip are often anything but amusing, especially to those who are its target. Misinformation passed around and amplified can lead to spoiled reputations and ruined finances.

More people are run over by gossip than by cars. Hearing gossip, it is easy enough to refuse to listen to it, or if that is impossible, at least not to repeat it. Dealing with gossip that targets you is more difficult. Sometimes it is possible to identify the source and have a quiet conversation with the perpetrator to nip it in the bud.

But overall, it is helpful to remember that there are three kinds of people: Big people who talk about ideas, Middle-size people who talk about things, and Small people who talk about people. Big people, such as Hershey, Ford, and Gates, think about what they can do that will benefit mankind. Middle-sized people create things that help idea people succeed. Small people who talk negatively about others are all too often describing themselves. They tend to blame others for their own shortcomings. They find fault with the simplest things. People who continue to criticize have learned that criticizing is a way to get attention. What they don’t understand is that eventually this habit will cost them friendships. Whatever they criticize in another, if that targeted person were to do the opposite, they would still be criticized – a case of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”. Trying to please such individuals is futile.

Aim to be a big person. Look for what you can do to benefit mankind. Or, look to what you can create to assist someone else’s worthy idea. The more we apply ourselves to these paths, the less potent gossip will become. Meanwhile, what size are you?

Strategies for Change: Honoring Self

In order to clarify strategies for change, we have considered major aspects of negativity, specifically the issues of control, jealousy, hate, and anger. Not so obvious, but equally important is how we feel towards and treat ourselves.

How do you feel right now towards yourself? Do you wish you looked younger or older? Do you think your thighs are too fat? Breasts too small? Nose too long? Skin too pale? Or too dark? Hate your chin or receding hairline? And so on. What about your social skills or intelligence? Do you feel good enough at whatever you are doing or wanting to try doing?

Are you seeing how all the previous issues are embedded in your attitude toward yourself? Control: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing! Jealousy: I wish I had his or her money. Hate: I hate these freckles! Anger: I can’t get this right no matter how hard I try. Life just isn’t fair!

All of the above adds up to not honoring self, finding fault with self. Yet that same self is a unique portion of the whole of the universe, just as a drop of water is a portion of the entire ocean. Without it the ocean would be incomplete. And without the accumulation of many drops of water, the ocean would not even exist.

Honoring self is about turning away from self-defeating thoughts and embracing the truth that your existence is evidence that you belong here at this time. Further, your presence is necessary to the whole of things. Granting this validation to yourself allows inner peace to reign in your heart and opens the door to accepting what you cannot change and acting constructively to make desired improvements to your life and the lives of others.

Define Divine Love

There are several kinds of love. Most kinds of love are human love.

This kind of love is usually for a purpose; it is normally to feed another’s ego. It is also used to receive something from another person. It uses up their time and energy. When they think there is something better elsewhere, they leave, leaving you wondering what happened. This is the basic kind of love we have in our world today


If you have ever been lucky enough to meet a person who lives by Divine Love you will never forget it because their love comes to you totally free and very honest. They have no motive but to see you Peaceful, Happy and in Perfect Health with the light of God surrounding you. This Divine Love you can feel in your heart center and it will stay with you all your life.


Now look into your heart and see if you have ever felt that Peace, Happiness and Harmony with anyone in your life. If you want to learn how to become healthy and peaceful have a chat with God then be silent and listen to him.

Strategies for Change: Issue of Anger

Of all negative emotions, anger, even over hate, has the strongest vibratory activity. It attacks the mental process with such power it is almost impossible to break it up. Anger has a lingering power to infuse itself within the cells of the body to the point where, if it festers like a boil or carbuncle, it can override the angry person’s good judgment. That being said, you could pull yourself out of your anger by simply blessing the person you are angry with because you only want blessings back. Remember, whatever you send out will return to you, so be careful what you think. Guard your thoughts.

While it is best not to allow anger to build, even when it does, one can still reverse its effects as shown in this experience of a friend of mine. She was so angry one day that suddenly she sensed thousands of small dark entities swarming towards her. In an instant, she understood that they would give her the power to achieve anything she desired but that the eventual cost would be her total subjugation to their will. And, they were definitely up to no good. Panicked and desperate, an idea presented itself in her mind: to say the Lord’s Prayer. Because the words would not come to her, she ran to the bookcase, pulled out her Bible, and began reading the prayer aloud. After several repetitions, her anger subsided and peace replaced it. The dark energies turned away.

Note: if and when you find yourself the object of another person’s anger, it is important to recognize that if someone says they love you and then treats you poorly or unkindly or with verbal and/physical abuse, what they really love is the fact that you allow them to treat you badly. And the longer you let them, the worse they will behave, not better or even the same. So, release them from your life. The sooner the better!

Blessing someone when you are angry can be easier said than done. When working alone, recognizing why what you are doing “isn’t working” can be difficult and frustrating. A one-on-one retreat with Ada Marie gives you personalized instruction and guided practice for effective implementation of this technique and the opportunity to consult on any other challenges you may be facing in your life. Click on Retreats and/or Counseling to learn more.

Strategies for Change: Issue of Hate

Hate is disease. For when people hold a grudge, they create that condition without even realizing it. I learned how hate creates disease and how to counteract it from an experience with uterine cancer. I had been in a car accident when my cousin was driving and I was in the back seat. Suddenly the car – a big Lincoln – rolled over and the front seat came back on my face, knocking me unconscious. When I came to in the hospital, a doctor came into my room. He told me that they had discovered uterine cancer so advanced that I had approximately 6-8 months to live.if I didn’t do something.

As I lay alone in the darkening room wondering what to do, around, 7 or 8 that evening, another older doctor came in. He sat by my bed and said, (These were his exact words; I will never forget them.) “How long have you hated your mother?”

And I said, “My mother has hated me since I was born. She never wanted me to be born. She mentioned it often and I never knew why.”

He said, “This is what I want you to do.” I was young at the time, about 20, so I just looked at him as he continued, “I want you to think of three things that you can tell me in the morning that are wonderful about your mother.” I was puzzled in my head but when he asked,” Will you do that for me?” I said, “Yes.” He stood up and said, “I know you will keep your word.” and walked out.

The first thing I thought of was that my mother was very beautiful. She had blue-black raven hair, green eyes, and milky white skin. An Irish beauty.” And, then, I remembered that my mother was an excellent cook. She was a hard worker who cooked for a lot of people. Coming up with a third thing, though, was the hardest. I kept thinking and thinking. Finally, I thought of how Mom and Dad used to win every dance contest at the schoolhouse on Saturday nights. So, she was an excellent dancer.

The next morning, the first doctor came in and told me they were going to take me down to Xray to have another look, I asked him, “Where is Dr. Duluc?” (Duluc was on the name tag of the doctor who had visited me the previous evening.) And, he said, “There’s nobody in this hospital by that name.” Later, when they X-rayed me there was no cancer. It was cleared.

For years since then, I have pondered that experience. Dr. Duluc was an angel who took on human form to help me heal my cancer. Every time I have been hurt by others I bless them rather than harbor a grudge, and I have not had any kind of cancer since. Further, I have been able to help others with what I learned.

For example, recently, a friend hired me to see a friend of hers whose doctors had diagnosed her with cancer and scheduled her for surgery 2 days from then. I walked her through the same process Dr. Duluc had given me. We worked for 2 and ½ hours together until she could recall three things about her mother she liked. “Isn’t it funny that I never think of that?” she asked.

No,” I said, “It took a long time for me to come up with three things about my mother.”

When she left, her whole attitude and demeanor had changed, with her remarking, “I feel peaceful.”

On Monday, she called to tell me that when she went to the hospital for a pre-op there was no cancer.

Hate is a fire that burns inside you and eats you up. It attaches itself to you within your mental system. If you can overcome hate and bless the individual who triggers it to his/her highest good, you will return to good health.

NOTE:  Ada Marie has helped hundreds of people change their lives, giving them strength and encouragement throughout the process.  For information on opportunities for one-on-one consultations with her, see Retreats and membership in her Counseling Circle.  Easy to talk to, she is also available for individual sessions in person or by phone and welcomes your calls when you are ready for changes and overcoming difficulties on the way.                                                

Washington’s Angelic Visit

When most of us think of angelic visitations, we think of past saints and sages. We don’t usually think of these events happening to our country’s presidents. However, our first president, George Washington, did have a visit from an angel who showed him the birth and destiny of the United States. The story, as published in 1880 can be viewed here.

We could all benefit from contemplating this statement: “Let every child of the Republic learn to live for his God, his land and Union.”

God Bless America!

Strategies for Change: Issue of Jealousy

Many people struggle with jealousy and it, like other negative emotions, can slow down or completely undo their movement for positive change. It is not for nothing that jealously is called “the green-eyed monster”; when in its grip, one feels as though he is controlled by a force stronger than himself. But that strength is an illusion; jealousy only has the power unconsciously given to it by the individual struggling with it.

To overcome jealousy requires understanding its roots and making the effort to counteract it. If you struggle with jealousy, then you are basically struggling with a sense of insecurity due to lack of trust in yourself. That insecurity – the idea of not being good enough – could be curbed and even removed if you would learn to like yourself and act accordingly. That means you wouldn’t worry about what someone else is doing; instead you’d be taking care of your world.

As in, guarding your thoughts and seeing yourself as the wonderful person you are. You see, negative ideas of yourself are just someone’s opinion that you accepted and made your own. Whatever reason you had at the time (it could have been to survive a prolonged hostile situation, for instance) that purpose has been served and is no longer useful. It was learned and you can relearn.

In recalling the words, “I like me so you can,” you would come to trust yourself. In trusting yourself, you would begin to trust others. When red flags would come up that tell you that something is not correct, you would be aware of the circumstances almost immediately. So, guard your thoughts and hold only positive ones. Even when a positive situation ends, because usually something better is appearing.

Some people are jealous because they are stuck where they were as little children, jealous of each other. This happens when parents have played favorites, for example. And, there have been no older grandparent or friend of the family to explain to these children that they were perfect. That when they would grow up they would find people who could appreciate them and who would trust them and would be trustworthy themselves. That if someone would betray them, that person was not a friend and was likely mistreated and became a jealous adult as a result. Remembering the old adage that more flies are caught with honey than with vinegar means a smile can save a life.